En mi paisaje

Dibujo y color, Mi poesía
Lago Ohrid en la puesta del sol ©Rubal

A modo de diario te escribo
y me das qué pensar con tu respuesta de silencio.
Aprovecho que estoy con la palabra en la cabeza para responderte.
Puede que mañana se me haya ido.

Este es un paisaje que se fue.
Estuve mirándolo hace poco menos de un año
y ya me parece que han pasado diez,
o puede que veinte,
o puede que treinta,
o puede que cuarenta,
o puede que desde antes de haber tenido conciencia.
Osea que no me parece que hayan pasado los años,
sino que vuelvo a tener diez años.
Y a mis diez años tú no estabas así, en ausencia, ni por asomo en mi paisaje.
Tú estabas.

Yo caminaba de tu mano
por delante de la puesta del sol tan tranquila.
Me dejabas jugar, imaginar y parlotear a mi manera.
Estaba a punto de sentirme herida por cualquier tontería,
pero eso no sucedería hasta crecer un poquito más.
De momento solo me molestaban que se hicieran trampas
si jugábamos a la comba o a la goma.
Tú estabas ahí, en cualquier lugar,
para hacerme sentir pequeña y tranquila todavía.
Ya no sé qué escribir más.

¿Ves? Al final, se me ha ido la palabra…
Solo este final: de cuántas cosas me doy cuenta, mamá,
y lo siento tanto.

31 comentarios en “En mi paisaje

  1. Muy hermoso texto, y el dibujo. Evocador, con sentimiento y nostalgia.
    «O puede que desde antes de haber tenido conciencia».
    Eso me ha encantado. Podríamos discutir y conversar mucho sobre ese “antes”, porque forma parte del gran misterio.
    «Estaba a punto de sentirme herida por cualquier tontería,
    pero eso no sucedería hasta crecer un poquito más».
    Ahí, ahí… el ego, el personaje, la formación de esa imagen de uno mismo, con todo lo que conlleva. Hipotética e idealmente, si no hay ego no hay ofensas, ni heridas, ni orgullo, ni dolor… ¿no te parece?

    Le gusta a 2 personas

  2. What a dreamy painting to bring me into your dreamlike memories. It’s lonely yet comforting. I find that sometimes, when I feel the most alone, sitting or standing or being in a place like the one you have painted makes me feel the closest to her. I wish I could give you a hug. ♥️

    Le gusta a 1 persona

    1. I do feel the same as you. In fact, I love the images that accompany your words, always. There is one, a couple of posts ago, that reminded me so much of this drawing I did in June, and I didn’t want to tell you then (I don’t like it when one needs to say “oh, I have one like yours, etc.”; I guess you understand what I mean). I’m glad you felt this landscape close to you. Though painted in June, the reason for putting it now above these words was by associating ideas and feelings that, you know, cross one’s mind in like seconds. Thank you for reading and feeling, and I also wish I could give you hug☀️

      Le gusta a 1 persona

      1. Thank you so much for sharing that with me ♥️. I do have images in my mind when the words are flowing out of me, and I wish I could do them justice on a piece of paper. I’m not sure I could, so I have decided to leave that up to the reader, or maybe through a picture I’ve taken. I would love to know which piece you felt a connection with your painting, if you’d be ok with sharing.

        It’s amazing how those fleeting ideas and feelings can carry such heavy emotions. You express them with ease.

        I hope you’re having a good day.

        Le gusta a 1 persona

      2. I leave the link here below. It is this image (and words too) I refer to. At the time when you posted it, perhaps a few hours before, I had the idea of posting this very drawing, like it was to be my next publication. On seeing yours, I wondered about the similarities, the clouds hiding a sun and the reed bed. You might think they have nothing in common. I was on the point of letting you know, but then I thought “No, I’ll post it some other time”. I felt like it was eclipsing my own reading of your post. I don’t know. It was without thinking much. And the title “Echo”… well, it was like echoing an image. And yes, Doree, I feel happy to share it with you.
        Thank you for your compliment on my words. I feel the same about yours. Otherwise I would not be here “talking”, or at least not with this ease. I feel comfortable.
        Here’s the link to your post:
        https://doreemelnic.com/2020/01/20/echo-january-17-2020/
        💚

        Le gusta a 1 persona

      3. What a parallel existence we have. You are absolutely right, it was an echo ♥️. Please don’t ever let that stop you from putting something out there. But, I do know how you feel. I’m sure it’s happened to everybody. I’m am slowly learning I’m not alone in this world, and you’ve had such a great impact on me. I am so very thankful the universe allowed us to find each other.

        Le gusta a 1 persona

      4. I will not doubt in the future, but I’ll have to acknowledge some connection at the same time; it’ll make it more meaningful. It’s funny, I never felt like I was alone exactly in this world (perhaps rather surrounded by what I should not; or maybe I was not the right one for the rest), but have felt I have been walled up in glass panels, so while people can be on the other side of the glass I’m still trying to break through and reach those worthy of reaching. You too have had this impact on me. For whatever reason I let it go. The glass is cracking though at different points of the world, like a wormhole. WP is like this wormhole. I just happen to be thinking of the film “Interstellar”. It’s come to my mind; I don’t know why or yes. Well, it’s ok. The thing is the glass starts to crack when we dare to share.

        Le gusta a 1 persona

      5. I would love to know when you feel one of your pieces is connected to mine! I feel very similarly. Not alone, however, not fully connected either. And thinking about WP as a wormhole makes me laugh with a warm fuzzy feeling. I love that analogy. I have not seen Interstellar, but I just watched the trailer and it’s now on my movies to watch (not sure how that one got past me). Cracking the glass is something I’m very aware of now, and I’m learning to be ok with what seeps out into the open, but it has been and still is a challenge that doesn’t come easy to me. Thanks to our WP wormhole 🙂.

        Le gusta a 1 persona

      6. It does not come easy to me either. But for now and here, at least, on Wp, it’s fine. We’re connected, somehow. I think you’ll enjoy the movie (Interstellar). It deals about relationships across time, sacrifice, hope… I don’t know… the music and the images are spectacular. Specially there’s a reference to a poem which is so beautiful by Dylan Thomas (I’m sure you know the poem or heard of it “do not enter gently into that good night”). And with this I say now good night to you, Doree. Yes, many thanks to our WP wormhole. 💚

        Le gusta a 1 persona

      7. Good morning :).

        This is right where I am, here on Wp, it is a notch in the trunk of a very tall tree that I shout from. Visible, but maybe not recognizable.

        Yes, Interstellar, sounds like something right up my alley.

        I do not know if I have or will ever go gently into that good night. ♥️

        Le gusta a 1 persona

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